30/11: St Andrew’s Day – Foibles & Fun

Editor writes…

In the video clip below, Ben Shapiro, a young Jewish man, well-known American social commentator, recounts an entertaining story about his one of his wife’s foibles…  

As we approach the Feast of our national patron, Saint Andrew, it’s perhaps a good time to take a break from all the serious debates, and share our stories of the foibles within our own family / circle of friends.  Makes us laugh – if not with family foibles, then with your favourite jokes. Feel free to share your own jokes and stories, favourite music for the Feast day – although don’t feel obliged to treat us to the bagpipes! 

And a word of warning.  It’s just about impossible, I’m very sad to say, to find a Scottish joke that falls into the category of “good, clean fun”.  I’ve found one of the very few, see below, so don’t feel obliged to post Scottish jokes.  Any jokes that fall into our strict “good, clean fun” rule, will be welcomed. Here’s one of my own favourites … although if you struggle to read the Tea-Towel below, you can read a slightly shorter version here  (with apologies to our friends south of the border!) And finally, to mark the Feast, enjoy the  hymn to St Andrew, performed beautifully below by a young girl, Maria, unaccompanied.  I’ve heard it in churches, with rousing organ accompaniment (and sometimes drums as well!) but in this rendition, we hear every word.  A lovely performance.  I’ve posted a comment on YouTube to let Maria, know that we are enjoying her video here.  Happy Feast, Maria, if you visit us! 

Happy Feast of St Andrew, when it comes, to one and all…    

26 responses

  1. OK Ed, here’s a family foible. A few years after my divorce, my ex-mother-in-law came in for a visit on the occasion of my son’s high school graduation. As we sat around the lunch table, catching up on news, I asked her what her other grandsons were doing. She filled me in on the first grandson, but not the second, so I said “What’s Jon doing these days?” She apparently thought I meant her late husband John, so she replied, “Well, John’s been dead over a year now, so he’s not doing near as much as he used to!”

    • RCA Victor,

      Hilarious! That really did make me laugh out loud!

      Here’s one from my family…

      I have a niece who is forever putting her foot in her mouth, so to speak. On one occasion, while she was a student at a college in Glasgow, she took a part time job cleaning an office. One of her co-workers often used to talk about a male colleague in England whom she just hated to bits. We’ll call him James Smith (not his real name). Then one day, a visiting male joined the staff at break and in the middle of the chat this lady’s name was mentioned. The visitor said: “I don’t know why, but she absolutely hates me.” To which my niece responded: “O, so you’re James Smith! He smiled wryly and said – yes… My niece was mortified and only got herself more entangled trying to take back her words!

      So, when I see her, my first question after “how are you?” Is always “Any stories?” She knows exactly what I mean – and usually has at least one!

    • RCA Victor,

      I thought of you and Margaret USA when I saw this map of the US, LOL! I thought it would make St Andrew’s Day special for you, too!

  2. Editor,

    It’s just a pity the young girl sings the politically correct version of the hymn. In verse 3 she sing:

    “But times have changed
    And Andrew’s name
    Was for a while forgot!”

    The traditional version is:

    “But evil men that faith beat down
    Reviling Andrew’s name!
    The cross, though set in Kingly crown
    Became a sign of shame!”

    You can see the deliberate change!

    • Petrus,

      Thank you for that information – I hadn’t noticed that. What a pity.

      Hopefully, she will visit here and read your post – she can then put that right in any future performances.

    • Petrus,

      Yes its a shame when people edit hymns, especially when it is to remove hard truths!

      I remember St Aloysius Garnethill once sang the lourdes hymn, but at least three verses were missing so as to avoid any mention of Rome, our Holy Father and Heresy! Its just ridiculous!

      • Gabriel Syme,

        I hate that, too, when they change the words of hymns and it happens a lot. I just won’t sing if they have removed words to be politically correct.

  3. Maria is a lovely singer, and I love the St Andrew’s hymn.

    I also enjoyed Ben Shapiro’s story about his wife, LOL!

    I found a good clean fun Scottish joke, LOL! Here it is – it’s a “mean Scot” joke:

    Two Scots, a father and his son, decide to go to America.
    The boy ask “when will we arrive?”
    His father replies: “just be quiet and swim.”

    • Happy Feast day everyone.

      A scotsman, an englishman and an irishman walk into a bar. The barman says “What? is this some kind of joke?”.

      How was copper wire invented? Two Scotsmen fighting over a penny.

      What do you call a Scots-Indian karaoke expert? Gupty Singh.

      As for my family foibles? My wife is unable to close a door at anything lower than the volume of a bomb going off. It runs in her family, as her mother does it too. They must think it is some competition to see who can make the walls shake the most.

      And my wife is the most ridiculously light sleeper. She could be woken by a mouse dropping a pin in Siberia. So, fat chance of me managing to sneak into bed late in the evening after returning from the pub!

      I had best leave it there, lest any of my own eccentricities come to the surface haha!

      • Gabriel Syme

        Hilarious!

        Fatherly foible… I do remember my siblings and I being puzzled, as children, when my father (RIP) would say “Right, you lot, I’m tired, go to bed!” We could never understand why HE didn’t just go to bed and leave us up, (reading our lives of the saints, of course…) 😀

        • Editor,

          Your story about your dad reminds me of a joke about a Scotsman whose son asked if he could watch the TV. His dad said, Yes, but don’t turn it on!

          LOL!

    • Olaf,

      That might be, because we share him with several other countries, including Russia! So, to avoid litigation, it may be that broadcasters and print news outlets, just avoid mentioning him at all. If he’s named as Patron Saint of Russia, for example, Nicola Sturgeon might sue for anti-Scottish discrimination, and so on. You have to laugh!

      • He’s the Patron Saint of Ukraine. St. Andrew blessed the hills where Kiev is now and foretold that a great city would be built upon them.

  4. Love the foibles and jokes. I am not good at remembering jokes but I remember someone saying you should be careful about stereotyping the Scots as mean. Someone from Aberdeen wrote a letter once to a newspaper, saying, “If you print any more jokes about mean Scotsmen I shall stop borrowing your paper.” LOL!

      • May I add to this hilarity?. I am a Yorkshireman and have often been taunted by the comment “What’s a Yorkshireman? He’s a Scotsman with the charity squeezed out of him!

        • John,

          That’s one of my favourites except in the version I heard, it’s “with the generosity squeezed out of him!”

          Happy Feast of St Andrew, today, everyone!

  5. Happy Feast day to everyone at Catholic Truth! I have a bagpipes joke.

    A man goes to his doctor, who says, “I’m sorry to tell you this but you’ve only got six months to live.”

    The man says, “Doctor are you sure? Is there anything I can do?”

    The doctor says, “Well, you could marry a piper.”

    “Will that make me live longer?”

    “No, but it’ll make your six months seem like six years.”

    LOL!

    • Thank you, Margaret. And a very happy Feast to you as well!

      Fortunately, I don’t play golf and I no longer live in Aberdeen, but today’s news is that The Donald is once again in battle with the local authority over his development plans up there. Seems he wants to depart from his original plan in order to build luxury houses,and the Aberdonians are not having it.

      So, I’ll settle for reading through the link you’ve posted – many thanks for that; I’m looking forward to perusing the site.

  6. Happy St Andrew’s day everyone! I really enjoyed the Ben Shapiro “foible” video story about his wife losing her phone and the jokes are great! I found one of the Englishman, Irishman, Scotsman, Welshman, stories which made me laugh. Here it is, so I hope it makes you all laugh as well:-

    “An Englishman, Irishman, Welshman, Scotsman were captured while fighting in a far-off foreign land, and the leader of the captors said, ‘We’re going to line you up in front of a firing squad and shoot you all in turn. But first, you each can make a final wish.’ The Englishman responds, ‘I’d like to hear “God Save The Queen” just one more time to remind me of the auld country, played by the London All Boys Choir. With Morris Dancers Dancing to the tune.’ The Irishman replies, ‘I’d like to hear “Danny Boy” just one more time to remind me of the auld country, sung in the style of Daniel O’Donnell, with Riverdance dancers skipping gaily to the tune.’ The Welshman answers, ‘I’d like to hear “Men Of Harlech” just one more time to remind me of the country, sung as if by the Treorchy Male Voice Choir.’ The Scotsman says quickly, ‘I’d like to be shot first.’

    LOL!

  7. All great jokes. Thanks, everyone!

    The following, however, is not so funny….

    From Catholic World Report:

    “Vatican City, Nov 30, 2018 / 01:23 pm (CNA).- On the feast of St. Andrew the Apostle, Pope Francis told the Ecumenical Patriarch of Constantinople that while the Holy Spirit has in recent years prompted a “fraternal dialogue” between the Catholic and Orthodox Churches, both Churches should work to achieve full communion with one another.
    https://www.catholicworldreport.com/2018/11/30/pope-francis-calls-for-unity-with-orthodox-churches/

    This thread is now closed so, again, many thanks to all who contributed to it.

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