Religion: School Exam Howlers – Enjoy!

Comment:

Time for some fun!  It’s a while since we ran a joke thread, so here’s the next best thing – exam howlers, especially religion exam howlers, which can be hilarious.  Like this one: The seventh commandment is “Thou shall not admit adultery”.

However, feel free to post exam howlers from other school subjects if you wish, responses from pupils in class, and simple, straightforward jokes of the good clean fun variety. 

For the straight-laced among us there are other threads on the sidebar, but for those of us yearning for a break, this one is to enjoy!  

17 responses

  1. Mother-in-law: “When you die, I will dance on your grave”.

    Son-in-law: “Good, I’m being buried at sea”.

  2. Here’s another one, from a history exam

    “Spain was a very Catholic country, since Christianity had been taken there in the third century BC”.

    LOL!

  3. This one made me LOL, from an English test, I think it was – I personally think that in this day of hustle & bustle, a person needs to set time aside to partake in some form of recreation. Bearing this in mind, I strongly agree with the powers that be that sport is a must as part of our routine.

  4. From a Maths exam…which touches on religion (it gets into everything!)…

    What is a turbine?
    Something an Arab or a Shriek wears on his head.

  5. In 1987 writer and teacher Richard Lederer compiled howlers from college and high school English and history exams into a single narrative that he titled “The World According to Student Bloopers.” Here is a sampling.

    * The inhabitants of ancient Egypt were called mummies…[who] built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube.

    * The Bible is full if interesting caricatures…Jacob, son of Isaac, stole his brother’s birth mark.

    * Pharoah forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw…unleavened bread is bread made without any ingredients…David was a Hebrew king [who] fought with the Philatelists…Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 500 wives and 500 porcupines.

    * Without the Greeks we wouldn’t have history…They also had myths. A myth is a female moth.

    * Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.

    * The government of Athens was democratic because people took the law into their own hands.

    * Nero was a cruel tyrrany who would torture his poor subjects by playing the fiddle to them.

    * King Alfred conquered the Dames, King Arthur lived in the Age of Shivery, King Harold mustarded his troops before the Battle of Hastings, Joan of Arc was canonized by Bernard Shaw…the Magna Carta provided that no free man should be hanged twice for the same offense.

    * Martin Luther was nailed to the church door at Wittenberg for selling papal indulgences. He died a horrible death, being excommunicated by a bull… Gutenberg invented the Bible.

    * The navy [of Queen Elizabeth] defeated the Spanish Armadillo.

    * William Shakespear lived at Windsor with his merry wives, writing tragedies, comedies, and errors…Lady Macbeth tries to convince Macbeth to kill the King by attacking his manhood…Miguel Cervantes wrote Donkey Hote. John Milton wrote Paradise Lost; then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.

    * Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic.

    * Benjamin Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead. Under the U.S. Constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.

    * Abraham Lincoln was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. He said, “In onion there is strength.”

    * Voltare invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy. Gravity was invented by Isaac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the Autumn, when the apples are falling off the trees.

    * Bach was the most famous composer in the world, and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large….Beethover wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music.

    * Napoleon wanted an heir to inherit his power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn’t bear children.

    * The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West. Queen Victoria sat on a thorn for 63 years.

    * Samuel Morse invented a code of telepathy. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radium. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.

    For the full treatment, see http://websrv.cs.fsu.edu/~lacher/personal/world_history.html

    • Wurdesmythe,

      Those are hilarious. This one made me laugh heartily –

      Benjamin Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

      And it reminded me of an occasion some years ago when a colleague recounted how she spent time with a pupil in lesson to discuss her homework, because the pupil had written “His arm was shot to death”. To cut a long story short, it transpired that the pupil (bright girl, in a top group) had no real understanding of the finality of death. In the conversation it emerged that because she had seen so many actors and film stars being apparently killed, but turning up in another drama or film later, she did not understand that death is final, and that if someone’s arm is “shot to death” that means the person is dead – and will remain dead…

      Anyway, enjoyed your stock of howlers, many of which are priceless, such as “Back was the most famous composer….” etc. Hilarious.

  6. Well, this video has nothing to do with exams but it’s definitely a howler…

    Thank you to our French blogger, Lionel, for including me on his round robin email list to receive this. I’m sure he’d have shared it here eventually but I couldn’t resist beating him to it!

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